New Year’s Resolutions: An Honest Look

I read that January 17 is the date when most Americans have abandoned their New Year’s resolutions. Ha! I beat that date, and then some. Eat my dust, slackers!

Day 1: Happy New Year! This is going to be my best year yet! I didn’t make it to midnight last night, so my resolution to get enough sleep is off to a good start!

Day 2: Well, since we traveled to visit family for Christmas Part II, it’ll be difficult to start and stick to a routine destined for success. I’ll just be lenient this weekend since I don’t want to discourage myself so early in the year. #goals

Day 3: INDIAN BUFFET FOR LUNCH; I WILL EAT ALL THE NAAN. Did I really say I wanted to cut down on the carbs this year? Surely not.

Day 4: Ugh, Monday. Monday mornings should always be exempt from any sort of productive, bettering behavior. You know, I haven’t checked out the new Dunkin’ Donuts that just opened up by the kids’ daycare…

From Mullica Hill Mom

Day 5: First day back to school for the kids. Things are gonna get GUH-RUMPY. I’m going to need an extra cup of coffee just to recuperate. #fortitude

Day 6: Thank you for Wednesday night suppers at the church! The kids will get a square meal with probably some vegetables and then hang out with adults who will teach them songs about Jesus while I sit in the dark, empty sanctuary by myself and take a nap write.

Day 7: If my New Year’s Resolution was to spill something on myself every day, I’d be 7 for 7. #crushingit

Day 8: Friday. Seems silly to start anything significant on a Friday.

Day 9: Ditto for Saturday.

Day 10: Why didn’t I pick something easy, like resolving to binge-watch Netflix like it’s my JOB? (By the way, is that a thing? Can someone make that happen?) [Editor’s note: Jessica, I’m about to rock your world.]

So now you know my secret. NEVER TRY. But if you tried and failed, take comfort in the fact that you’re now in the majority. #winning!

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Jessica Buttram parents, writes, laughs, and eats too much chocolate. She has no practical advice and zero life hacks to offer for this whole parenting gig, but she makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich, and that’s something, right? When she’s not bribing her kids with Doritos to make them sit still and snuggle for just a few minutes longer, she can probably be found vacuuming Dorito crumbs out of the couch. Her family is her whole world, except for the part that belongs to coffee. You can find her @jbuttwhatwhat and meetthebuttrams.com.